I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
