just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
