you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
