apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
