Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
