Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
