you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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