When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
