connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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