hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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