I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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