Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
