Need sex. Gaining weight.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
