:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Randomize
