She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
