just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
