Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
