just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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