There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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