You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
