I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
