This is not my ceiling
What a fucking waste of an outfit
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
FUCK WHALES
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
