Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's shark week go big or go home
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
