I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just saw a hot homeless man
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize