We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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