y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
