Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
