im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
