I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
