I want to have your abortion
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
