God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
