He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
im six kinds of drunk right now
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize