bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
