I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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