I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
