The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
