He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
