If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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