if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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