I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
