i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
