Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize