Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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