Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
