I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
