Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
