Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
