a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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