nutella sex= disaster
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
