I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
