you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
