so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
