remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
