I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
