Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night

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(515): View more from Iowa

If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.

(641): View more from Iowa

Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?

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(702): View more from Nevada

So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?

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(847): View more from Illinois

it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs

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(203): View more from Connecticut

they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.

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(207): View more from Maine

I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.

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(561): View more from Florida

Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!

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(586): View more from Michigan

ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....

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(660): View more from Missouri

I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.

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