trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
