I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
