you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
