Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
