I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
