Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
