Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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