If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
