My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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