Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
