So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
