I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
