i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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