And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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