hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
