2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
