i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
