Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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