He had one of those small greek statue penises
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
