his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
