Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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