Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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