I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize