I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
