last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
