Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
