She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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