I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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