He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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