Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
