The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
