I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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