a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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